My girlfriend is very sarcastic

VIEWER QUESTION: My girlfriend is very sarcastic and it is starting to get to me…

Hi Susan, I hope you can help me with this and I appreciate you being totally honest with how you respond. My girlfriend of 5 years is a beautiful woman but she is not happy in her job as a waitress. (On the contrary I love my job as a fireman.) We live together and were inseparable for the first 3 years. She has always been a little sarcastic and I used to think it was funny & meant in a lighthearted way. Now I feel she is using it at my expense & I do not find it humorous in the least, and it’s very derogatory. She has a few girlfriends that she treats the same way and I have noticed they are coming around less & less. I have told her how I feel but she can’t seem to help herself and is still sarcastic on a daily basis. I am almost ready to leave our relationship but still love her. What do you suggest?

Almost Done Daniel

Answer

Hi Daniel, I am so glad you wrote! I am not a fan of sarcasm and never have been. It has a very small place in the world of communication but occasionally there can be some funny one liners & needed comebacks. For the most part though, it is a nasty way of verbalizing what someone really wants to say in a negative way. They think if they add humor it will lose the real intent of their feelings. Sarcasm is used by people who are insecure for the most part. It makes them feel better by shutting someone else down in a playful way. The problem is, it isn’t playful after the second & third time it is repeated.

You mentioned your girlfriend is not happy in her job, that is where her insecurity lies. She is mad at herself for not changing her life & takes it out on you by using these sarcastic jabs. You on the other hand, have a prestigious job where many women put you on a pedestal. This just adds fuel to her insecurities & she unknowingly sabotages your relationship. If you want to salvage this partnership, two things have to change.

She must leave her job even if it means you supporting her while she goes to school or learns a new career. Communicate to her how this sarcasm has to stop or you will leave the house every time she uses it. It is not to be tolerated and she needs to realize how often it is happening. (No confrontation, just remove yourself from the situation.) Make sure you are giving her positive feedback on a regular basis as this will contribute to her feeling less insecure as well. Making these alterations should put you on your way to a stronger & healthier relationship. Good for you for caring and making the effort to fix things at home. So many people would just walk out & not even try to understand how to correct it. Your girlfriend may just need a little support to change her ways.

Susan McCord